Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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