My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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