am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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