WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
