I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
