Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
