Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
