I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
