i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
