Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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