I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
