You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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