He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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