walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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