So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
