my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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