East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
