From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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