Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's shark week go big or go home
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
