Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
