I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize