No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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