My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My bed smells like the plague
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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