there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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