I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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