Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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