On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
