Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
