Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
