my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just had sex on a roof
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
