I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
