3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
