in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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