yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
