U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
