She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
