Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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