sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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