i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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