my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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