my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
