Old men and throwing up are my life now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
