Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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