HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
