wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
