I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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