My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
