I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
