guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
