What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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