the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
