I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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