if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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