I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
