I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
