I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
