I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
