how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
