i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
