Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
