Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
