I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
