looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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