dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
